Yesterday, D12 rapper and notorious lyricist Bizarre hit up REVOLT’s Drink Champs for a darkly hilarious and informative talk with NORE and DJ EFN. While some of his wild stories were covered here, one of the biggest gems arose much later in the podcast. Anybody familiar with Biz understands his appreciation for some raunchy sexcapades. Luckily, his time spent on the road with Shady Records associates ensured that the groupies came in volume.  

In order to maintain some semblance of a healthy touring dynamic, Bizarre and the crew devised a foolproof practice: homie court. “It started from Dre and his crew and got passed down to us,” explains Bizarre. “Dre, Dogg Pound and Snoop. It’s rules for the homies on the road. When it comes to females or whatever. We got charges. One charge can be ‘harboring a known freak.’ It’s a freak who want to do everybody but you cuff her. We got one called ‘eating roadkill.’ Whoo Kid was like, a habitual offender of homie court period.”

“Basically, you gotta get a lawyer. They’ll put a subpoena under the door of your hotel telling you what your charges are,” he continues. “After you get summons you gotta find you a lawyer. Find a judge. Somebody like Paul or Dre would be the judge. We have this big-ass meeting, everybody gotta come to the lobby. They might even ask for a conference room in the hotel. If you lose you get like, for thirty days you gotta clean the bus.”

Unfortunately, the dynamic went awry when G-Unit joined the tour. “When we started touring with G-Unit, I was warning everybody they outlaws. They don’t listen to the rules. One of my homies had this chick and he said ‘my chick is in the lobby.’ I said ‘yo you better go get her, those G-Unit n***as in the the lobby right now. 50 keep like thirty, forty entourage members around. I was like, ‘you better get her!’ So went down to the lobby and grabbed the chicks. Then we get on the elevator.”

“Lloyd Banks, Buck, and somebody else was on the elevator,” continues Bizzy. “The girls are in the middle of the elevator. We’re in the front. We can’t see what they’re doing or nothing. So when the door opens for us to get off our floor, we get out and the chicks about to get out with us. Then I see Tony Yayo pushing the button. We go what!? And the door just closed.” He mimes a diabolical wave and gleeful grin for emphasis. “They took our chicks man!” Is it surprising, however? On their classic crew album Beg For Mercy, G-Unit did drop off a song by the name of “Groupie Luv.” Evidently, that old adage “write what you know” holds true once again.

Check out the full episode of Drink Champs right here.