Traumatic events can be a defining turning point in a person’s life, but the tragic death of a parent can be earthshattering. Shyheim has been opening up about his successes and failures with VladTV now that he’s recently been released from prison after serving five years. The rapper was convicted of second-degree manslaughter following the death of a motorist during a car accident. As he’s becoming acclimated to life outside of prison walls, Shyheim is ready to share portions of his life story that many people never learned about the Wu-Tang-affiliated artist.

In 2009, back when Shyheim was in his early thirties, the rapper’s mother lost her life after overdosing on heroin. “Losing a mom at 30, that’s pretty young. So then, I was really, really lost,” he said. “I was lost before, but then I really started gettin’ out of control.” Shyheim admitted that his life took a turn back in the 1990s, but the death of his mother “added to the wounds and to the psychological trauma that was going on in my life.”

“You see your mom, the one that raised you on the floor gone,” Shyheim continued. “It does something to you. You’ll never be the same. I’ll never be the same as I was as that kid. From the trauma and the things that I went through.” He added, “The weird thing [that] started the happen [was] I would hear her voice clearly of everything she ever told me. That’s what would make me cry and that’s what would touch me. It’s just like, yo. What do you do? Where do you go from here?”

Shyheim said that there were people around him with the ability to change his life and remove him from troublesome situations, but didn’t. Check out his clip below where he also talks about learning how to be a good father.